06 December 2006

living with me.

Actually, I have no real reason to feel sad, but today has been one of those days. I can’t seem to escape this moody feeling. Last night we attended the final of five “getting ready for baby” classes at the hospital where we’ll be delivering. The first four classes were all about labor and delivery, so we were overcome with curiosity each time and busy making mental notes about how to breathe. Last night’s class was different. It covered what to expect when you actually bring the baby home. Umm, I kind of had a mini-meltdown as soon as we walked in the door to our house. Having been so focused on the ups and downs of pregnancy, collecting fun things for the baby’s room, and imagining what labor will be like, I am not sure it had hit me, I mean really hit me, that we have to bring the little guy home to live with us at some point.

I think it hit Jeremy too. We both tried to reassure each other that we will figure it out as we go, and that we do have great family and friends to help us out when we need it. I think it just seems overwhelming sometimes…all the nervous anticipation of what’s to come, even though it’s so exciting and we cannot wait to be parents. I am sure every new mom-and-dad-to-be feel this way.

And then there are the holidays---joyous and exhausting at the same time. I spent a lot of last weekend decking the halls of our house (photos to come) while Jeremy was in Germany, and today we decorated our tiny tree after enjoying some bagels with Nutella for breakfast (Jeremy brought me back a big jar of it from Germany and a stack of chocolate bars too, sweet husband.) Currently he is on the roof of our house, repairing a giant sheet of rolled roofing that flew off our dormer during a heavy wind storm and landed in the backyard. I am inside, listening to muffled hammers and nails and trying to shake my blues. (I thought maybe writing would help.)

The sofa is covered with stacks of books that need to be put into storage. We are busy (in theory) moving furniture out of the room that will soon become the nursery, and relocating it to other parts of the house. This also means cleaning out and organizing as we go, which is daunting because my husband has more books than the downtown library, and I seem to have more art supplies and fabric scraps than I could ever possibly make into anything useful.

The hammer is pounding, pounding. I continue to welcome a sound that would normally become annoying after awhile, mostly because it reassures me that he has not fallen off of the roof and onto his head. So far, writing isn’t really doing the trick for me though, so maybe I will try something else to occupy this last hour of daylight while the roof repair continues. Perhaps some more Nutella is just the ticket.

7 comments:

Christine said...

Nutella ALWAYS shakes the blues. That, and some good European bread :) Kierst, what you are feeling is probably what most new soon-to-be-moms feel....and I just know that you will be a so gifted at mothering your little boy. I have all the confidence in the world in you!

jason said...

you and jerry are going to be awesome parents! praying for you guys.

lisa said...

mmm german chocolate :)
thinking about you and jeremy with eli brings a smile to my face...kierst you are going to be such an amazing, loving mom! i can't wait to see you with lil eli!

bryan a said...

kierstin, the whole "bring the baby home" thing didnt hit me until we started to walk out of the hospital. the nurse helped us put Kylie in the baby seat and then it was just the 3 of us in the car ready to head home. i cried almost the entire way home, because i was so nervous and unprepared and not ready. (while Erica laughed at me the whole time). it's a good memory we have now. it will be scary and fun and overwhelming and magical...and you guys will do great. enjoy every moment of it!

Jenni said...

Nutella is an excellent remedy! From what my Mom and Mom-friends say, your feelings are quite normal. I will pray peace for you and Jeremy. You two will be lovely parents, I know it, and obviously God thinks so since He put the little guy in your tummy.

Alice said...

I feel overwhelmed still if I think of what's going on in our house as a MOTHER and FATHER taking care of our SON. But, when I think about time caring for and loving this particular father, Matthew and our particular child, Evan, it isn't so overwhelming. It will flow step by step and it is not always easy but you have friends just around the corner here to be near you when it is tough. And, I agree with everyone else that you will be a very sweet momma.

Sarah Scheidler said...

Kierstin! I'm a friend of JJ's she was showing me pic's of your darling baby... and your blog site... I am soo inspired by your photo's... Looking forward to seeing many more... going to check back in for inspiration from time to time... thanks for sharing your work...