01 March 2008

melting down.

i still haven't given up hope that on monday i'll be drinking my coffee in the new house...but at the moment i am flung on another guest bed feeling sorry for myself. i do realize that this is ridiculous. it's a very comfy bed, afterall; there's a rush of heat blowing from the vent, and our baby has a room to nap in. i hear myself reminding me that there are homeless people. people without a roof over their heads or food in their stomachs. families crammed together with make-shift tents under the freeway in new orleans. i am spoiled in comparison. but i also hear myself saying (sometimes more loudly), "I just want to go home."

it has been much harder being displaced than we anticipated. this month and a half has felt like a hundred days. i think all three of us have been in tears more than we feel comfortable admitting. eli has weathered this the best of us, actually. he's seemed to enjoy the changes of scenery...made a game of all the new rooms to explore and hosts to entertain.

we've just changed B's, having moved from the Brown's to the Bragg's. this move will be brief, however. we simply (i say simply) need to paint a few bedrooms this weekend and let the fumes die down so we can begin inhabiting.

i know we will be so thankful for this house once we are actually occupying it. i know the cat will do a happy dance once she's finally let out of the bathroom (she relocated also.) i know that at some point we will look back on this time and think of it as a lesson in perseverance, a time of growth, an adventure.

for now, we're standing wearily in paint-spattered clothes. i keep praying for my husband who is four steps past exhausted, wishing i could be of greater help. my job is to look after eli. most often this is a true joy, except for those days when we have to spend two hours in a paint store while Billy in his coveralls attempts to tweak a colormatch for the eighty-third time (how we ended up with field-mouse gray.)

that was definitely an "I just want to go home" kind of afternoon.

once we are home, i will share photos of the place. i will even invite you over for tea and tell you how it was all worth the struggle. some things in life aren't but this, i believe, will be one that is. and now that i have given myself this pep-talk, i should probably go dig out my toothbrush and get on with the day.


jenni said...

I can only imagine your stress! I see a little parallel between my health treatment and these house renovations for you. It is frustrating as hell, yet a blessing from the Lord. There are tears, but in the end we will thank God for sure. Hang in there!
(I can't wait to see pics)

Christine said...

I can't wait. And I do understand that feeling, it's a natural one inside us to want for home, I think.

Anonymous said...

My Sweet Child-
I know that your are in your house by now (Sun. 3/2) but there is something to be learned from Eli...innocence and adaptability. We all had that once. I am so proud of you and Jeremy for making this wonderful home and cannot wait to see it in two weeks. Tell Eli...Nonnie is coming with books...and food for Daddy.

clairestrebeck said...

I'm sure you are so ready to move in! I can sort of relate. We lived with my dad when I was 7-9 months pregnant, waiting for our home to be renovated. It was not in livable condition beforehand. For us, the enjoyment of our home is far greater than the crowded home and lack of privacy we had to endure at the time. And it seemed like we would never leave then, but somehow, now that it's past, the memories are slightly whitewashed and is kind of a sweet memory. (Though I do NOT want to do that again...) :)

The Morginskys said...

are you in?

Amy Alexander said...

Your patience and perseverance will be well rewarded, I am sure! I am looking forward to seeing this incredibly special place you now call home!

clairestrebeck said...

I hope you're in your new home soon! One more day to move in before Monday! :)