one through one hundred.

taking a deep breath before diving in. there's a long swim ahead, a seemingly endless list. it's okay though. i like lists. i like accomplishing things and crossing them off. sometimes i even write something on the list that i have just completed, just so i can put a line through it and have a visual record.

i was talking to a friend yesterday about how the list will probably always be there. there really is no such thing as being caught up, because there's always something else to be done by the time you reach the bottom. i can't imagine a time when i'll sit down and think to myself, "i have just finished everything. there is absolutely nothing left to accomplish. what should i do now? hmm..."

my current list includes the not-so-thrilling tasks of laundry, cleaning, exercise, and organizing Eli's closet. it also includes working on pieces for an upcoming art show, making a gift for a friend's birthday, and writing thank you notes. my list is always a combination of creativity and maintenance, it seems. i don't mind either one and appreciate the balance.

of course, the list itself is squeezed in between time with my two-year-old and my husband, preparing dinner, and all the things that i don't put on the list because i won't forget to do them and they happen every day.

i know that simply (or not simply) being in relationships is more important than anything my lengthy list could demand of me. sometimes i forget that, or i merely get distracted by all it takes to keep life going. i think we all do. we move along just getting things done and suddenly realize we haven't had much connection with the people around us; we've been rushing past them for days. one of my goals this year is to be more cognizant of that, to focus more on friendships than i do on making sure the floor is swept.

between a conference with Dan Allender that we recently attended, and a mom's group yesterday where similar topics were reiterated, a i feel like i've been in Marriage College lately. most specifically, i'm learning about some differences between men and women that i had never contemplated before, and also realizing the importance of understanding my own story and how that plays into being a wife and mother. that's a process that can't really be dissected formulaically. it just takes walking through it and being more aware, i think, and less afraid.

so i suspect this will be a "thinking year," whatever that might mean. i'm curious to understand my husband better, and myself; to embrace my child in all that he's discovering; to dig into the deeper layers of my closest friends and some books i've been too intimated to crack open, a new place to write, and the elements it takes to make a home that i've been keeping in a closet. this is worthwhile work. i'm intrigued and eager to get started.