end of day.

i stepped out into the slight mugginess of evening. the air wasn't particularly sticky, but not breezy either. it was just sort of there. that's kind of how i felt too as i sat on the porch swing and looked out over the field where between trees the sun was turning a shade of golden pink that's hard to describe. cars were starting to round the corner at Hillman Street and pull up onto the edge of the grass to park.

i was taking a break to clear my head but it didn't do much good. lately--mainly today--we're a little overwhelmed. i think we (our family) has taken on more than we can handle comfortably for the moment. whether or not we're those kind of people who can easily tackle a home renovation is yet to be determined. well, i think the easily part has definitely been determined. still our house is slowly taking shape, and our lives too as a result. but it's just difficult to rest sometimes [i mean that more in the internal sense.] or maybe we're not meant to rest as much as i think we are. i believe God set aside one day a week, come to think of it.

sometimes i feel like when i'm trying to do so many things, i don't do any of them very well at all. it doesn't help that i'm a perfectionist either. i far too quickly feel that i've failed.

so i sat on the porch and watched the (mostly) older men file out of cars and greet one another before heading into the small white building directly across from our neighbors who have a mint green kitchen. the building belongs to the methodist church which sits just beyond a group of trees and a clearing, and they use it for different outreach meetings such as a weekly food pantry. it occurred to me that Tuesdays at 7 o'clock are AA meetings [i think.] mmm, probably not helpful that i was sitting on my porch not thirty feet away sipping a half-glass of wine. so i went inside.

...and here i am. eli is asleep and we had some sweet moments today. he very much enjoyed my iPod and listened to Sixpence and the Bees for quite awhile, strutting around the house. he helped me sweep and put away rolling suitcases (he pulled, i lifted). he ate well and is learning to feed himself with a spoon. we read two books (Goodnight Sweet Pig and another one about a duck.) he rested on my shoulder and drifted to the nighttime portion of Slugs and Bugs and Lullabies as we rocked in the big brown chair. and for a moment, i think i might have rested too.