22 July 2008

end of day.

i stepped out into the slight mugginess of evening. the air wasn't particularly sticky, but not breezy either. it was just sort of there. that's kind of how i felt too as i sat on the porch swing and looked out over the field where between trees the sun was turning a shade of golden pink that's hard to describe. cars were starting to round the corner at Hillman Street and pull up onto the edge of the grass to park.

i was taking a break to clear my head but it didn't do much good. lately--mainly today--we're a little overwhelmed. i think we (our family) has taken on more than we can handle comfortably for the moment. whether or not we're those kind of people who can easily tackle a home renovation is yet to be determined. well, i think the easily part has definitely been determined. still our house is slowly taking shape, and our lives too as a result. but it's just difficult to rest sometimes [i mean that more in the internal sense.] or maybe we're not meant to rest as much as i think we are. i believe God set aside one day a week, come to think of it.

sometimes i feel like when i'm trying to do so many things, i don't do any of them very well at all. it doesn't help that i'm a perfectionist either. i far too quickly feel that i've failed.

so i sat on the porch and watched the (mostly) older men file out of cars and greet one another before heading into the small white building directly across from our neighbors who have a mint green kitchen. the building belongs to the methodist church which sits just beyond a group of trees and a clearing, and they use it for different outreach meetings such as a weekly food pantry. it occurred to me that Tuesdays at 7 o'clock are AA meetings [i think.] mmm, probably not helpful that i was sitting on my porch not thirty feet away sipping a half-glass of wine. so i went inside.

...and here i am. eli is asleep and we had some sweet moments today. he very much enjoyed my iPod and listened to Sixpence and the Bees for quite awhile, strutting around the house. he helped me sweep and put away rolling suitcases (he pulled, i lifted). he ate well and is learning to feed himself with a spoon. we read two books (Goodnight Sweet Pig and another one about a duck.) he rested on my shoulder and drifted to the nighttime portion of Slugs and Bugs and Lullabies as we rocked in the big brown chair. and for a moment, i think i might have rested too.

7 comments:

clairestrebeck said...

I have tried before to think about how to recreate that shade of golden pink without it turning to to orange. The only thing I can think of is to do a couple of washes of pink and gold. But even then I think it would look flat. It really baffles me when I think about the creativity God has verses our limitedness. I for instance, am limited to the laws of color combinations (red + yellow = orange) while he can combine the two and have it be something much more glorious, as only He can do.

kate o. said...

these words are wonderful. we just moved into an old house and the concept of rest seems out of reach at times. i, too, find that the moments right before putting my boys down can be the most restful and quiet.

jenni said...

These kinds of thoughts of yours always put me at ease ~ very peaceful.

Alice said...

I know these feelings and love how you put it down so well here. Thanks and looking forward to seeing you Monday and doing a little post birthday celebrating too :).

Thesupermanns said...

Oh man. Renovations! its hard work...im proud of yall. Maybe we could all hang next weekend? we miss the casellas.

Melissa said...

Hi - I don't know you, but a friend pointed me to your blog. I just wanted to comment how much I resonate with your posts! Thanks so much for putting it out there!
Melissa

Tina said...

For over 10 years I was an addict and needed dual diagnosis rehabilitation when I got the help I needed, I could start living my life again.